A snowy weekend in Athens provides a lot of time for pondering important questions, along with these thoughts:

I was not expecting the grocery store to be out of kidney beans on Saturday –I know that people rush out to the stores before we are supposed to get a big storm, and I don’t see any problem with it. It makes sense to go to the stores the day or two before the snow arrives, especially if you live outside of town and your roads will be slippery. When we went to the store on Saturday, though, I was surprised to see the shelves so low on kidney beans, and one of the cashiers told me they had also run out of pancake mix. I can understand the run on pancake mixes, but I had no idea that everyone else makes chili when we get snow. I suppose it’s a hot food, and it also keeps your stomach churning and warm for hours afterwards, so maybe that’s a good thing.

Why do we always have Level 3 snow emergencies on the weekends? –Why not on a Wednesday so we have to stay home unless we are essential personnel?

Should I be happy or sad that I have never been an “essential” person at any job I have had? –I have always tried to just blend in and keep working. Should I strive for an important position where I have go to into work even if the roads are terrible, or should I instead try to stay non-essential so that I can stay home if it snows?

All I want to do all day on snowy days is eat –I can’t stop snacking. The next time before a big storm hits, I am going to go out and load up on Chex Mix, Crunch and Munch and other snack items. I am surprised the stores don’t run out of chips and salsa before storms hit.

How in the world is the new Steak and Shake restaurant in Athens going up so fast this winter? –If they can build a whole restaurant in like a month, I hope they can serve me a burger and shake quickly when they open.

While shoveling snow, I often think, “Why do we live in Ohio?’ –It’s a great state, but I am ready for winter to be over by the end of January. Why does anyone choose to live in places that get even more snow than we do? Don’t they like wearing shorts? Is it so they can wear hats all of the time and save on haircut expenses? Do they hate bugs and insects that much?

If creatures from another world landed here in the winter, do you think they would just go home? –Maybe they would think our planet is uninhabitable. 

Why can’t the people who build the Steak and Shake restaurants also build our new school buildings? –Three years to build a building? They could have all of the new schools finished by July and the cafeterias would be awesome.

Crunch and Munch is great, but it does not have enough peanuts –And there’s definitely not any many (or any) in the top half of the box. I shall have to keep eating to try to find more peanuts.

What happens to all of the salt we dump on our sidewalks and driveways? –Is the grass around it rich in salt now? Could we also dump salt on the sidewalks in the spring and fall to keep slugs away?

It is nice not to have to worry about stepping on slugs in the winter –I am trying to think of the positives of cold weather today.  Let’s see, I don’t have to worry about the ice cream melting on my way home from the store, I like wearing sweatshirts and no one is tracking mud into the house. That’s all I’ve got.

If a Level 3 snow emergency is currently our highest level, what would a Level 4 be? –You can’t get out of bed? You will be arrested if you go outside? Don’t even open your curtains?

I’m pretty certain I saw two snowflakes that were exactly alike on Saturday –I just can’t believe that they are all different. It’s like saying that no two pieces of Crunch and Munch are the same.

I’m hungry again –I haven’t snacked in 30 minutes! Time for more Crunch and Munch while I wait for Steak and Shake to open soon. I realize now that I apparently enjoy foods that rhyme. Maybe I should also eat something from a hot pot or snack on some Reese’s Pieces or even beanie weenie.  It’s just too bad I don’t have any kidney beans.

Nick Claussen is a freelance writer with too much time on his hands. To see more of his work, please visit nickclaussen.com

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