It sure was windy over the last week. How windy? I’m glad you asked.
It was so windy that:
• An English nanny landed on our roof.
• I saw some children at the park flying a cat.
• I threw a Frisbee to Indiana.
• I nearly broke my windbreaker.
• I was worried that the Christmas lights on my house might get knocked down.
• I think that if the wind was behind me, I could have actually hit a homerun.
• I was concerned I would get hit by a flying shark.
• Athens Mayor Steve Patterson’s hair almost got messed up. (Don’t take that as a negative; I just think the mayor always looks sharp.)
• I was trying to read The Athens NEWS,but it blew away. Even worse, I was reading it on the computer at the time.
• Bob Dylan found all the answers he needed.
• I finally got all of last fall’s leaves out of my yard.
• I saw the hat blow off a statue.
• The wind messed up my jump shot in my basketball game, and I was playing indoors at the time.
• I found myself craving a Frosty.
• Bob Seger said he’d run with the wind this time.
• My troubles all blew away, which was great. The only problem was that someone else’s troubles from about three blocks away blew in.
• It sounded several times like my house was about to take off.
• When I went outside after the wind died down, I checked to make sure that the house hadn’t landed on any witches.
• I doubt a Star Wars light-saber would work in that wind.
• Some homeless pigs stopped at my door asking where they could get some bricks.
• I was so nervous about the speed of the wind. I guess you could say my mind was tied up in knots.
• The first half of my jog was super slow, but the last half was as fast as I have run in years.
• I went to jump over a puddle and accidentally leapt over my car.
• I was worried the neighbors would call the police for a noise violation due to all of the wind chimes on our street.
• I spent way too much time thinking about the wind, which made this column a breeze.
Nick Claussen is a freelance writer with too much time on his hands. To read more of his work, please visit nickclaussen.com. Thanks.