Women in Athens County Survey question 8
Do you feel that men, in general, play a large enough role in their children’s lives?
October 13, 2008
“More and more I see fathers taking primary care-giving roles in today's families, which I think is to be encouraged and applauded; so the answer is yes.”
–Shawn Morris, 54, a retired registered nurse from Athens
“It is an unfair statement to make that all men don't play a large role in their children's lives. My husband grew up knowing his biological father, whom his mother divorced years ago. His biological dad did so much damage, and continues to do so. His stepfather, on the other hand, has been such a positive influence. I guess what I am really trying to say is that it doesn't matter who the positive figures are in a child's life. They could be related, unrelated, halfway across the country or right next door, but it is important for a kid to have someone to look up to. I would say there are about as many men willing to step up to the plate and be awesome fathers, no matter what the circumstances, as there are as many men who would shy away. Women do the same thing, except it's a little bit trickier when the child is growing inside of you.”
–Caitlin Seida, 19, an artist from Nelsonville
“Yes, the men that I know (genXer's) tend to be hands-on and devoted parent's.”
–Niki Morris, 36, a non-profit program manager from Stewart
“It depends. My dad is in my life sometimes more than my mom.”
–Molly Smith, 18, a freshman at OU, from Athens
“Living in Athens I see a lot of men being a large part of their family. Still, I hear a guy say, ‘You mean I have to babysit tonight?’ Excuse me, to babysit sounds like you are a babysitter. I guess I need to say that it would so wonderful if men, in general, could play a huge role in their children's lives. It would also be so wonderful if women could play a huge role in their children's lives. These days both parents seem to have to work to make ends meet. To play the role, when 'hubby' comes home, don't sit in front of the TV or game. Help your partner with the everyday things around the home so you can both sit and read to the kids without one feeling like they have to do everything…”
–Barbara Six, 57, a business co-owner from Athens
“I don't want to use the term ‘men, in general.’ My grandfather, father and husband were all wonderful role models in our family. They were (are) devoted husbands and fathers. I will say, however, that throughout my teaching career I saw many cases where fathers were not involved in their children’s lives. It's a bad situation. It often seemed like young fathers just took off running. They wanted to hunt and fish and ride dirt bikes and play ball, but when they became dads, they just couldn't cut it. Even when the courts went after them for monetary support, the problems didn't go away. It was hard for the moms, and it was really hard for the children. Money didn't help. Free food didn't help. Free medical care didn't help. The children really suffered.”
–Jody Stickel, 55, a retired teacher from Athens
“I don't think I can talk about men in general because that's just not fair. My husband does a wonderful job with my children. The proof is when my kids complain about missing him on the rare occasions when he's gone or has to work late. There's no question fathers are important. Boys need them for role models and girls need them to feel loved and secure.”
–Mary Della Harmison, 35, an administrative assistant for a financial and marketing director, from Athens
“Even though the typical family involves a man working outside the home, today it really depends o the family’s individual dynamics.”
–Emily Figliomeni, 18, a freshman at OU, from Toledo
“Yes, in my own experience. Parents play different roles. My husband was home less than I was. I was the caregiver and disciplinarian, and he was the playmate. We both played our roles although somewhat differently.”
–Lisa Eliason, 54, an attorney and chief Athens city prosecutor from Athens
“I don’t know too much about how much time men spend with their children, but as a general observation, most parents I see do not spend enough time with their children. I think it is especially important to spend time doing things that build family bonds. For example, going for a hike together rather than watching TV together.”
–Clare Conway, an OU sophomore from North Olmsted, Ohio
“This is too general. Some dads are good, some are mediocre and some are bad. It's the same with moms. When I was very young, my dad was my life. We did everything together. As I got older, I began preferring the company of my mom. This doesn't mean my dad stopped playing a role. Parents play the roles they've constructed for themselves. This could be positive or negative, but everyone has to act it out for themselves and see what happens.”
–Tiffany Teofilo, 26, an OU Ph.D. student and senior accountant from Athens
“For me, I see just as many dads as I do moms picking up their kids at school, taking them to after-school activities, football games, the farmers market, etc. It seems that way in Athens, anyway. I have been to other areas of southeast Ohio where that's not the case. Both men and women have a great impact on their children’s lives. Children need both male and female role models.”
–Ginger Gagne, 44, an executive assistant for the president of an IT company, from Athens
“I think that it depends on the man. I know some men who are actively in their children's lives and I know some men who could care less about spending time with their children. Regardless, the choices made by fathers are still influential. The fathers who don't care play the role of the dead-beat dad, which could be detrimental to some children while inspiring greatness in others. I believe that it takes a village to raise a child; therefore it is possible to raise a healthy child without the presence of a father, so long as you have a community of support.”
–Catia Carter, 25, an administrative assistant from Athens
“In general. In their children's lives. In my experience, yes. However, my experience is probably not generalizable. I would like to point out that male involvement in the lives of children need not be limited to their own children. Many men are involved in the life of my child, although he is not their child. I would also like to point out that, in some cases, children are better off without their father’s involvement. I believe that children benefit from the involvement of many caring, responsible, loving adults. Gender is less important than the character of the adult and their feeling for the child. Biological connections are irrelevant.”
–Cynthia Holliday, an OU university lecturer and administrator from Athens
“This is a hard one for me to say, as my father was very involved in his children's lives. It all depends on the family dynamics.”
–Laurie Gribble-McKnight, 36, a social worker from Athens
“I believe this is definitely improving with most families I know.”
–Frances Gander, an acupuncturist and tai chi instructor from Athens
“Some are great caregivers and even are the main care provider in the family these days. I think men are improving greatly in this area, but of course, there are still many men who do not participate at all.”
–Linda Hiller, 53, a house builder and rental manager from Athens
“We are moving it that direction and it is a win-win-win situation for mothers, fathers and most importantly CHILDREN!”
–Susan Mitchell, 47, a marketing consultant, from Athens
“In general, I don't believe they do. Half of our fathers are divorced from their families. A lot of fathers work and their jobs aren't during school hours, and they may work on weekends. It takes a lot effort on the family’s part to make quality time with their kids, and I think a lot of dads don't make that commitment. I am also very sure that there are lots of dads who do make the effort and are blessed by it.”
–Cheri Johnson, 56, a psychotherapist from Athens
“Depending on their jobs, yes. There aren’t too many women who stay home these days and aren’t working as much as the men do. And there are even some cases now where the men stay home with the kids while the women work. So I think it’s a 50/50 these days most the time; except for the dead-beat dads, of course, that we at the sheriff's department go after for non-child support!”
–Sherrie Norman, 40, a deputy sheriff, mall manager and retail manager from Athens
“I feel that our society has made progress toward more equal parenting, but it is still unequal. Of course, as babies our children need their moms more than their dads. Mothers are the niche for babies. Moms equal babies’ survival at the most basic level. Mothers feed their babies the breast milk that is specially designed for their children. However, as children get older, dads need to take a larger role and our society needs to make it easier for dads to do that.”
–Heidi Wilhelm, 39, a mom and birthing instructor from Athens
“Some do and some don't. Some take the easy road and some take the tough road.”
–Laura Jordan, 52, a karaoke DJ from Albany
“Many do and many don't. I hesitate to make any judgment on men in general because I feel generalizations to be unfair and alienating to men, just as it is to women when we are generalized. Unfortunately, with a struggling economy, high divorce rates, lack of affordable education, and child-support costs, I don't think many men have the resources to be good fathers to their children. I also think our society needs to praise and recognize those men out there who are great fathers. We also need to teach boys at a young age that it is a worthy and wonderful thing to be a caretaker and nurturer of children and youth, and to work to dispel the myth that to show care and compassion shows weakness.”
–Johanna Mateer, 26, an independent provider of home health care from Athens
“I believe that some men make every attempt to play a role in their children's lives. I believe that the majority of men who have children want to play an active role. It is unfortunate that it is the small minority of dead-beats that we hear about.”
–Janice M. Wright, 54, a clinical supervisor from Athens
“Yes, I think our generation helped promote the importance of fathers in their children's lives.”
–Suzanne Borchard, 56, a children's outreach coordinator from Athens
“I feel that each individual is responsible for his or her actions. If a man wants to be more involved with his kids, he needs to step in and do it. My husband is an active part of all four of our kid's lives. He can work all day, help with practice, attend events and pack lunches. We are very equal participants in our kids’ lives. They are privileged to have a strong support system!”
–Tabitha Bond, 38, a business owner from Coolville
“No. It's too easy for the men to let the women raise the kids. It's too difficult for most.”
–Sandy Griffin, 67, retired, from New Marshfield
“In general, no. Personally, absolutely. In Athens, definitely. I think there is still a certain stigma attached to a loving, affectionate, involved dad. However, in Athens, I see lots of active dads all around. So, I think we have gotten past that stigma as a community. Which is a great thing.”
–Diane Scharer, 36, a stay at home mom from Athens
“No. I think we are in a day and age when most men are bound to supporting their family and do not get enough time to spend with their children. It is even more unfortunate when both parents have to work and children spend hours at day care, etc. I feel like I missed out on spending time with my father as a child because he worked in a factory Monday through Sunday to support his family.”
–Amanda Sharrai, 31, a program specialist for a non-profit, from Athens
“It depends on the man, but from my family experiences and what I grew up around, I think yes. Even thought my father works a lot, in high school he always made sure to make it to all of my volleyball and softball games, my track meets, and my cheerleading competitions or anything else I was in. Still, even today since I have been here, he has not missed one Dad’s Weekend or any of the events that I have been in at OU. I think the only thing I do differently with my mom than with my dad is that I go shopping with my mom, and my dad certainly would not like to go on an all-day shopping trip with me.”
–Angela Haas, 21, an OU senior from Marion, Ohio
“My dad was very involved in my life, from teaching me to cook to attending plays and recitals, sacrificing to spend time with my sister and me. But I also notice families today where both parents are working more hours to supply their families with needs — and yes, with more wants. Things and experiences cannot take the place of relationships. Some of my heroes are happy stay-at-home dads.”
–Becca J.R. Lachman, 28, interim assistant director at OU, freelance writer and composer from Athens
“My husband and I do not have children, but viewing my brothers and others with their children, I think men are much more involved overall than they were even 10 or 15 years ago.”
–Suzanne Fisher, 35, a recent ecotourism graduate of Hocking College, from Nelsonville
“I believe that some men play a large role in their children’s lives. My father definitely played a large role in my life, and still does today. I also know that some men are considered the “head of the house” and work a lot and do not spend as much time with their children. It honestly depends on individual situations and people.”
–Stefanie Dimofski, 18, an OU freshman from Gahanna, Ohio
“Well, I know a lot of men who do play a big role in their children’s lives, but there are plenty of fathers who do not spend enough or any time in their children’s lives. Too many men just think they should support the family and moms should do the time with the children.
–Billie Byers, 49, former junk separator, cashier, home health aide, wife, mother and homemaker from New Marshfield
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