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Home / Articles / Features / Help Me, Harlan! /  Single woman wants man – but she's surrounded by women
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Sunday, December 2,2012

Single woman wants man – but she's surrounded by women

By Harlan Cohen

I'm a single woman looking for a man. I'm very social, and I put myself in a lot of rooms with people who share similar interests. My problem is that the things I am interested in draw an almost entirely female crowd. The men who share my interests tend to be gay. My life is full of way too many women! Do you have any advice for putting myself in rooms with men while still engaging my own interests and sense of self? – Girls' Girl

Dear Girls' Girl: ATTENTION: Advertise that you want a man. Tell all your female friends that you want help finding a man. Tell all your gay friends. Say it loud and say it proud. Let them all know. Get them working. They've got brothers, cousins, friends, exes, neighbors and colleagues who will want you. The catch – you have to be the one to advertise that you want help finding a man. Use the people in the rooms to work for you. Ask them to fix you up. Make it clear what you want. Ask them to deliver. Then go on lots of dates with lots of men. If you don't want to get set up, go online and set yourself up. Again, make it clear what you want. Give men access to you. Help make it easy for them to see that you're hot, single and searching. If you aren't open to either of these ideas, you do not really want to meet men. Whether it's intentional or accidental, any woman who creates a life void of heterosexual men and won't get set up or go online to date doesn't want to date. Therefore, the problem isn't being in the wrong rooms, it's a fear of taking risks and allowing men to find you and date you. There are millions of men looking for interesting and attractive women, but they need to find you. Help them and advertise it loud and clear – single female, hot, interesting and interested in meeting a man. Then, watch them come running.

Dear Harlan: My best friend and I dated for about a year and a half. We know everything about each other and have been sexually active. We broke up just because things were easier as friends and she was moving away to school, and I'm totally cool with that. But I feel jealous when new guys hit on her or want to hang out with her. We hooked up a lot after we broke up because we felt comfortable with each other. I don't want to tell her what to do and I know things will never happen between us again, but I just feel jealous. What's wrong with me? – Friend Not Getting More

Dear Not Getting More: Nothing is wrong with you. You just shouldn't have sex with friends. Because it's not just sex. Never was. Never will be. There are emotions attached to this act. That's why you're feeling something. Clearly, you care about this friend and have a strong emotional connection.  A few suggestions – stop having sex with her. It's going to ruin your friendship. If you're jealous and have feelings for her, think about dating her. If not, learn how to be a friend – that means not having sex with her and encouraging her to find someone else. If you can't get over feeling jealous and don't want to date her, find other friends. It's the friendliest thing you could do. (c) Harlan Cohen 2012. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

Harlan is author of "Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober)" (St. Martin's Press). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan!, 3501 N. Southport Ave., Suite 226, Chicago, IL 60657.

 

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