College roommate’s betrayal prompts plot for revenge

Dear Harlan: My roommate has been my friend for about a year, and we are in the same sorority. Things were good in the beginning because she slept over at her boyfriend's apartment every night. Lately, she's been getting on my nerves, mostly because of her boyfriend. She knows I don't like him, but it's because I think he treats her horribly. She started a blog about how stupid her boyfriend is, and says nasty things about him. He doesn't know the blog exists. She was going to break up with him, but never did.

As for me, I am on a committee that chooses what acts we bring to our school (bands, comedians, etc.). I accidentally left a list out in the room of who we are thinking of getting (it's a secret and I can get in trouble if anyone finds out). She saw it. When she told me she had seen it, I asked her to please not tell anyone, and that I could get in a huge amount of trouble for her knowing.

Last week, someone posted on Facebook that we should have a certain band on campus. Someone posted that he or she was 99.9 percent sure we were going to get a particular act. I went through my news feed and found the post that had caused the commotion. When I looked at the person who had posted the comment, I screamed. It was my ROOMMATE. The one who had promised me that she wouldn't tell a soul of what she had seen and posted it to Facebook. I texted her immediately asking her to please take it off and that I could get in a lot of trouble. She responded with, "It's not that big a deal — calm down." Excuse me? I could be kicked out of my position that I've been working so hard at because of one stupid mistake by her. When I told her again I could get kicked off the committee, she just brushed it off and told me she wouldn't delete it cause it would look too suspicious.

I know revenge is wrong, but there is a huge part of me that wants to email her boyfriend the link to her blog and show him all the posts about how "stupid" he is. Let's see if that would take her down a peg. I know that's a stupid thing to do, but I don't know if I can even deal with her anymore. I don't go back to school till the end of January, but I'm not looking forward to seeing her at all. What should my reaction be to this? I have to live with her for another semester, but we're always together because of the sorority, and the school isn't big enough for me to stay away from her. Please help. — Seeking Revenge

Dear Seeking Revenge: Revenge just creates more revenge. What if you email her boyfriend and he freaks out and hurts her or she hurts herself? What if she freaks out and hurts you? What if she starts a blog about you to share your deepest, darkest secrets? Revenge, jealousy and anger will destroy you. What helps is recognizing that the best way to seek revenge is to not seek it. If she's not a nice person, then slowly get her out of your life. As for your secrets, make sure you do a better job of keeping them. Expect her to share it all. No, she shouldn't have shared it, but you shouldn't have left it out for her to see. (c) Harlan Cohen 2012. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

Harlan is the author of "The Happiest Kid On Campus: A Parent's Guide to the Very Best College Experience (for You and Your Child)" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.