Girl blacks out and blames boyfriend for exiting scene

Dear Harlan: I recently went to a party and I overdid it horribly, drinking way too much. It was the first time I blacked out. When I woke up, I didn't know where I was. Luckily, I was in an extremely safe place. The problem is that my boyfriend left me there that night and didn't stay with me when I needed him the most. I was panicked and I felt so helpless. I have sworn not to drink again, but another problem is that this story made it back to my mother. My mother told me to break up with him, and I deserve better. She said that no man, if he loved me like he says, would leave me there when I couldn't even function on my own. In his defense, he knew I was safe and that nothing would happen to me, but after hearing how badly it upset me, he says he won't leave my side again. He was also drinking that night and was not completely competent either. He almost cried when he realized how helpless and panicked I was when I woke up the next morning. My mother is extremely angry with him, but I know he is sincere about how bad he feels. He understands he was wrong and wants to do everything possible to make sure this never happens again. I want things to be OK by him and my mom. Any advice? — Mom Trouble

Dear Mom Trouble: You could have died. You could have been hurt. Terrible things could have happened. If your mom should be upset with anyone, it's not your boyfriend; it's you. He's not responsible for you. You are responsible for you. There's no such thing as an extremely safe place when you black out. It would have been nice if your boyfriend stuck around, but according to you, he didn't know you needed him so badly. As for your mom, she needs to know that he's a sober, remorseful, loving and caring boyfriend with a girlfriend who was irresponsible.  When she wants to blame someone, tell her to blame you. He is not responsible for your irresponsible behavior. You are.

Dear Harlan: I had a girlfriend in high school for a little over a year. I've dated since then, but haven't found a new girlfriend. I'm now in my third year in college. I met a girl and talked to her for about five weeks before taking her on a date. She mentioned that she had never been in a relationship. A couple days after the date, she texted me saying that we were moving too fast. She said anytime she has come to this point in a relationship, she stops it. She told me she wants us to know each other better before becoming official. I like her a lot and want to make this work. Any advice? — Slow Mover

Dear Slow Mover: It's been one date. If it's this hard after one date, it's going to be hard the rest of your life. It doesn't have to be this hard!  Know what you need? A girl who wants to commit. Give her time to figure out what she wants, but make sure you date other women. There are too many women waiting to date a guy willing to commit to get stuck in this mess. (c) Harlan Cohen 2011. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

Harlan is the author of "The Happiest Kid On Campus: A Parent's Guide to the Very Best College Experience (for You and Your Child)" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.