Spanking gains newfound popularity among parents, perverts

Of course, the research points out, the spanking done by each of the two groups is used for vastly different purposes. Parents, by and large, are using spanking as a form of corporal punishment for unruly children. Perverts, on the other hand, tend to use the practice as a carnal punishment for bedroom partners with masochistic predilections.

“This is really exciting stuff,” said Dr. Swat Fannybottom, lead researcher of the Institute’s team on the issue. “Children are being taught that there are consequences to their actions, and naughty adults are being taught lessons as well,” he added with a giggle.

Fannybottom said that the study incorporated a number of different methods, from interviewing a wide variety of parents across the socio-economic spectrum about their disciplinary habits with their children, to reviewing a mountain of Craigslist casual encounter postings from adults requesting to be disciplined themselves.

“Spanking was up across the board,” Fannybottom revealed. “And oftentimes, on Craigslist at least, boards and paddles were encouraged to be used.”

Spankings typically take place with the spankee lying lengthwise across the spanker’s knee, Fannybottom explained. However, he added, a number of other positions can and do take place.

Bondage and discipline expert Mistress Priscilla, who insisted on being referred to by that name at all times, reported a large uptick in customers over the past several years, specifically among the wealthy, the elderly and Republicans. Often the individuals are all three, she said. She likened her services to that of a masseuse, adding that she has a number of high-profile Washington D.C. clients.

“We do whippings, floggings, paddlings and spankings,” Mistress Priscilla said. “We use cuffs, stocks, ropes and chains as well. Spankings are by far our largest growth sector.”

Mistress Priscilla, who is not easily dissuaded, demanded to demonstrate her skills while her interview was conducted. As a result, some notes became illegibly scribbled in the process. From what is readable and was evident throughout the interview process, Mistress Priscella thoroughly enjoys her chosen line of work.

“Some children need punished,” she said. “And some adults need punished as well. Keep counting off, slave! Don’t stop just because your mistress is speaking!”

A gift shop outside of Mistress Priscilla’s “dungeon” allows customers to take home party favors from the “House of Pain” for their personal enjoyment. Mistress Priscilla also provides a cooling donut cushion to customers to alleviate swelling and redness after a session.

Meanwhile, research from Dr. Fannybottom suggests that parents aren’t as accommodating to children after a spanking session is finished.

“Often, children receive no donut cushion whatsoever,” he said. “In fact, sometimes they are even sent to their bedrooms without supper to think about what they’ve done. It’s a tactic to make them feel shame for how they’ve been naughty,” he said with yet another giggle.

On the other hand, Dr. Fannybottom said, adults who have been spanked sometimes feel shame afterward over the spanking itself and not whatever was done to deserve it, which is often nothing serious at all, but rather what acts as an arbitrary excuse to commence the spanking.

“It’s usually disobeying some sort of frivolous command, or failing to meet some expectation of the spanker,” Dr. Fannybottom explained. “It’s more of a fantasy punishment than an actual punishment.”

He then proceeded to giggle for like 20 minutes.

Nevertheless, fantasy punishment or real punishment, the pain involved, at least with regard to Mistress Priscilla, is the same.

“I could do this all day,” she said. “You want me to do this all day, don’t you?! Don’t you, slave!?  You like that, huh?!”

There was very little giggling during this process, and this reporter spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about what he had done.