WiseUp - May 3, 2010

Comedians

"¢ British comedian David O'Doherty once performed in front of 40 people, 20 of whom were members of the Active Elderly Association, which meant that most in his audience were in their 80s. Unfortunately, his act was not meant for people in their 80s, so he was performing routines about iPhones and about spying on a naked lady doing aerobics when he was 12 years old. During intermission, he figured that all the old people would leave, but they were still present when he walked out for the second half of his act. He asked them, "Why are you still here?"� One of the old people replied, "The bus doesn't come to get us until 11."� He also used to do readings of children's books in libraries. Ten minutes after he began reading one book, a small boy raised his hand and asked, "Does this get good soon?"� Mr. O'Doherty says, "It was so profound. How many times "“ not just at a gig, but in a relationship or at a family get-together "“ have you wanted to raise your hand and ask that?"�

"¢ Comedian Steve Martin played banjo and performed magic during his stand-up days as a way to give his act a little extra. Later, he decided to get more serious about his music. In 2009, he spoke about solving a problem: "About 10 years ago I did something: I put a banjo in every room. So wherever I was, it was there. I didn't have to be in the mood to play the banjo and say, "˜Oh, who wants to go back to the bedroom to pick it up?' It really helped me. You know, I started playing a lot more that way."� Soon, opportunities came his way: banjo player Earl Scruggs requested that Mr. Martin play on one of Mr. Scruggs' albums, and The New Yorker asked him to host a banjo evening. In 2009, Mr. Martin went on tour with the North Carolina bluegrass band Steep Canyon Rangers, who are family friends. The tour is 85 percent music and 15 percent talking, but if some humor occurs to Mr. Martin, he throws it in.

"¢ If you want people to laugh, it helps if they know that you are a comedian. For example, Groucho Marx went to a candy store and bought some candy for his children. The candy store owner did not recognize him and did not laugh when Groucho said he wanted to buy "just a few dainties to make the kiddies sick."� However, later the candy store owner learned that Groucho was a famous comedian and so when Groucho entered the store again and said, "The kiddies want to get sick again,"� the candy store owner laughed hard. Groucho says, "Surely this wasn't a funny remark. Certainly it wasn't any more amusing than when I had said a similar thing before. But the fact that [the candy store owner knew that] I was a comedian made a difference."�

"¢ As long as he was not in the persona of either obnoxious jerk Tony Clifton or the obnoxious Intergender World Wrestling Champion, Andy Kaufman was a very nice guy. He did not shut himself off from ordinary people and even gave his telephone number to taxicab drivers and other people he met and liked. In 1979, at the end of his performance at Carnegie Hall, he invited all 2,800 people in the audience to have milk and cookies with him. Buses that he had hired took all audience members who accepted the invitation to a place where they could enjoy the midnight snack, and Mr. Kaufman picked up the tab.

"¢ At Friars Club dinners, comedians take great pleasure in insulting the guest of honor, often using very vulgar language to do so. At a dinner for Jack Benny, many dignified people, including Eleanor Roosevelt, Helen Hayes and Senator Jacob Javits, were present, so Mr. Benny told his friend and fellow comedian George Burns, "George, this is a high-class affair, so nothing risqué."� Mr. Burns joked, "Should I tell the story about Sid Gary's ass?"� Mr. Benny joked back, "I wouldn't if I were you, because Javits is on ahead of you, and he's going to tell it."�

"¢ Groucho Marx could be cynical about such things as politicians and marriage, but when satirist Paul Krassner asked him what gave him hope, Groucho answered, "People."� Of course, Groucho met many people as the host of "You Bet Your Life,"� and his favorite contestant was an elderly gentleman who was happy. Groucho asked what made him happy, and the elderly gentleman replied, "Every morning I get up, and I make a choice to be happy that day."�

"¢ Nightclub comedian Joe E. Lewis got sick, was rushed to the hospital, and had to have an operation. His friend Frank Sinatra was there as Mr. Lewis was being wheeled into the operating room. Mr. Lewis asked him, "What's the prognosis? Don't b*llsh*t me."� Mr. Sinatra replied, "You've got about a 50-50 chance."� Mr. Lewis yelled, "Get me out of here! I want better odds than that!"� Everyone laughed.

"¢ Some schools place way too emphasis on the football and other sports teams, and other schools make fun of those schools. Antioch had no sports teams and no mascots. Upset that other schools placed such an emphasis on athletics rather than academics, Antioch students adopted their own mascot: a Brussel sprout. (Sometimes I wish our sports teams would lose more often; it would save Ohio University a great deal of money.)

"¢ Professional golfer Sam Snead was a funny guy. In Florida, he once drove at 110 miles per hour and passed two cars. Unfortunately, he added, "The first car was a policeman, and he was chasing a speeder."� Another time, he gave a golf student some excellent advice: "Lay off for a few weeks, then quit for good."�

"¢ Like other satirists, Mort Sahl is angry and he wants other people to be angry. (Certainly we have enough things to be angry about, and getting angry about them may result in change.) He once advised, "You know what I want you to do? I want you to blow out the candles and curse the darkness."�

"¢ As comedian Bill Hicks went out the door to go on a walk with a friend, he picked up a globe. Why? "In case we get lost."�