Sometimes being right means giving people permission to be wrong

Dear Harlan: I recently moved into an apartment with two friends from my dorm. Upon moving, we all agreed that I would bring in a dog to foster. One of the two roommates said she was planning to buy a cat. I told her I was fine with it as long as the cat would be her responsibility. The dog moved in and ignored my roommates (I was the caregiver). One day, I received a phone call from the animal shelter saying they had received an e-mail from my roommate's mother saying that the dog was "aggressive and violent, would bite and attack people, and I was a bad foster parent." I was livid. Once at home, I calmly explained that my roommate should have talked to me instead of going behind my back, at which point she had a panic attack and ran out of the room. When she came back, I tried to apologize, but she screamed: "Don't apologize! It makes it worse!" She then retreated to her room. On top of the dog issue (the dog is now gone to make room for a cat that never showed up), they leave dirty dishes in the sink, dirty pots on the stove and hair all over the bathroom. After they ignored our cleaning system, I left Post-It notes whenever I saw a mess that needed cleaning. They told me I was juvenile. I stood my ground. They both promptly walked away, and the matter has yet to come to a solid conclusion. The lease ends in April and they'll both be moving out, but until then, how do I deal? - Trapped

Dear Trapped: Here's a Post-It to you: Move out. Not once have you admitted that you were wrong or could have done something different. And if you're not willing to be wrong, you'll never be right. Sure, your roommate has emotional issues and she was wrong, but that just means you have to be extra flexible and be an even better listener. My suggestion would be to ask them what you can do to be a better roommate, but unless you're willing to listen and make changes, you're better off changing your address.

Dear Harlan: I wish there was a simple manual for dating. There is a guy my friend and I know from the college radio station. He recently invited us to a party, and we all hung out. Now he texts us and talks to us on Facebook. The other day, I asked him if he likes either of us. He said he didn't want to answer, which I took to mean that he likes one of us, but didn't want to be put on the spot to tell right then. He said we would "maybe" someday find out the answer. I really need to know -- I can't stop thinking about him. I know that sounds really childish, but I'm freaking out about something that isn't even really that important. - Karen

Dear Karen: Here's the answer from my manual: Life moves too fast to play guessing games. REMINDER: You live in a world of options. When living in a world of options, dating isn't so complicated. You can be honest with yourself and others. Let him know that you're interested. Then let him know that you're going to keep moving forward, but would be happy to talk once he catches up "“ that is, if he's looking for a catch like you. See, not that complicated at all.

(c) Harlan Cohen 2009. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

Harlan is the author of "Dad's Pregnant Too" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL.