Ugly Ducklings Try Too Hard to Keep the Guys

Dear Harlan: I am a freshman girl in high school. I always thought I would be one of those girls who all through high school would not have a boyfriend and never get a date. Now, less than two months into the school year, I am dating a junior whom I really like. We have many of the same interests and have pretty much the same friends. And that's a problem. One of our friends, who is a senior, all of a sudden likes this guy, too. I am majorly upset about this, mainly because the other girl's crush came out of nowhere. It's really nobody's business who I date. But I'm tired of looking like the bad guy when I didn't do anything. What do you think of this? - Not Feeling Like Juliet

Dear Not Feeling Like Juliet: What majorly bothers me is the part where you wrote, "I always thought I would be one of those girls who all through high school would not have a boyfriend and never get a date." Girls who don't think they are good enough try too hard, put up with way too much, and go way too far to keep a guy. When you know that you're beautiful, attractive and have thousands of options (and you do), you can think clearly and make strong choices. If this guy runs to be with her, he wasn't a good guy to begin with. When you know you have options, you can give boys who don't recognize how beautiful you are permission to not want you and have conversations with the girls who end up with them.

Dear Harlan: I recently moved to college miles away from my family. I have been looking forward to this part of my life since I have been very small. But now that I'm here, I seem to be completely alone and without direction. I have always been very social, but up here I am all alone and am suddenly too shy to make any new friends. I am also constantly stressed about what I am going to do in the next year. Though I earned most of the money to be at college, my parents are helping me out financially, and they want me to serve a two-year mission for my religion. I like church enough, but I really don't want to go. However, I'm afraid if I don't, my parents will cease to help me at all, with anything. I'm also afraid they will be disappointed, since I am the oldest child in our family and they have high expectations for me to do this. - Alone

Dear Feeling Alone: Hold on while I build you up: You are a smart, attractive, talented, interesting and strong person. You know what you want and will find it. Clearly, you have forgotten. Write down what you loved about your life before college. Then write down where you can find those experiences in college. Get out there and give people access to meet you. Reach out to a spiritual leader on campus, a professor, a counselor and other people who can guide you and remind you how awesome you are. Once you can remember who you are and get more comfortable in your skin, you can explore this mission. About the mission: Given that you don't know where you're going, the mission will give you a chance to look for and find some direction. (c) Harlan Cohen 2009. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

Harlan is the author of "Dad's Pregnant Too" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.