Overburdened teen takes care of mom, dad, siblings--but not herself

Dear Harlan: I am 18 years old and live at home with my parents and siblings. I planned to go to college this year as a freshman, but had to back out at the last minute due to financial and family issues. At the moment, I do not have a job to make money for college because my family is in crisis right now. My mother is in rehab. My little sisters will also be coming home soon after being taken away by the state. Since they have been gone, I have been taking care of my father and brother and the house. When my sisters return, it will be my responsibility to care for them (which I have been doing for about eight years) while my father is at work and brother is at school. Not that I have a huge problem with this, but I feel that I am putting my whole life on hold. Should I put more stress on myself and get a job to help with college expenses while caring for my family, or help my family and deal with college and jobs when all is situated? - Tough Time

Dear Tough Time: This is "situated." When things do get "situated," expect that another situation will surface. That's been the pattern. There are two things you must to do "“ go to college and find mentors to help you follow through with the plan. Start by going to the college you were supposed to attend (or a local college) and talk to the people in the financial aid office, the admissions office and the counseling office. Share your situation and find out how you can make this work. At the same time, find mentors. Mentors will help you believe in yourself, navigate obstacles and stay focused. Surround yourself with people who are strong and successful. Find mentors on campus (professors, faculty, staff, a therapist), in a Big Brothers Big Sisters program, through religious groups, young professional groups and a part-time job. Strong and supportive, it will not only give you a life, but help you be there for your sisters and brother. Your family needs YOU to have a life.

Dear Harlan: I'm about one month into my sophomore year of high school. I'm taking all honors and advanced-placement classes. The problem is, I'm miserable. I don't like any of my classes, and I spend more than two hours on homework every night. Although I have friends in all of my classes, it doesn't seem to help. I don't understand the point in taking classes that focus on science and other useless subjects when I want to study law and business in college. I feel like I'm wasting my time and effort taking these classes when I'll never use them once I'm out of school. - Stressed in PA

Dear Stressed: When you meet a girl who loves science and useless information, you'll be grateful for chemistry and useless courses. High school isn't about doing what you want. It's about doing what you need to do so you can do what you want. It's about learning how to do the work you don't love so you can do what you do love. That said, it doesn't have to be miserable. Talk to your parents, teachers and a doctor. There might be something else happening here. There could be an attention issue, depression or something else. It might be more than useless courses and high-school boredom. (c) Harlan Cohen 2009. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

Harlan is the author of "Dad's Pregnant Too" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.