Respect is not one of the benefits of being friends with benefits

Dear Harlan: I am currently in a friends-with-benefits relationship with this wonderful man. We met online, and things progressed from friends to FWB. He has stayed with me almost all of the past month and is moving in. My problem is that he has not helped me with any cooking or cleaning in that time, and when I have asked for assistance, he gets frustrated. Furthermore, a female friend he went to high school with got in contact with him and told him she's had a crush on him since high school and wants to hook up, and also has gone into explicit detail about what she wants to do with him. He and I are not in a relationship, but needless to say, I'm jealous. How can I ask him to help me around the house without coming across as bossy, and how do I tell him I'm uncomfortable sharing him with another woman? - Trouble Sharing in Canada

Dear Trouble Sharing: Um ... you're in a relationship. It's just a relationship where he can have sex with you and not call you his girlfriend. The only benefit here is misery (and maybe some sexual souvenirs). Talk to him before he unpacks his stuff. Be prepared to lose him as a friend. If the only benefit of having you as a friend is having sex with you, he might not need you as a friend. And if that's the case, he's not someone you should ever have been sleeping with. Tell him the truth. Then be prepared to be friends without benefits, or not friends at all.

Dear Harlan: I have been a best friend with a girl for over a year now (I am a guy). No matter what, we were always there for each other. About six months ago, she started dating a guy of questionable integrity. He has serious problems. He constantly takes her cell phone to text her friends and sends them angry, threatening messages, becomes insanely jealous when other males are around and has been known to throw a temper tantrum if he can't get his way. Her family and her friends have told her she is in a very unhealthy relationship. Every day, it seems she gets more and more attached to him. She has already pushed me away, even though we used to be like brother and sister. I see her pushing everyone away for this one guy, and I am afraid she will end up very lonely if they break up. Help me figure out a way to help this person close the rift she has opened between her friends and family. - SMA in Ohio

Dear SMA in Ohio: He's a bad dude. No question about it. One day, she will see that he's a big loser, and she will need you. So, be there for her. Ask her friends to be there for her. Tell her you will always be there for her. If she tries to push you away, let her, but first explain to her that you understand that her boyfriend doesn't like her having guy friends because he's insecure and jealous, but you will always be there for her when she needs a friend. Stay close to her parents. Stay connected and never let her forget that you are there for her. If you're always there, then she will never be alone. And that's the greatest gift you can give her.

(c) Harlan Cohen 2009. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

Harlan is the author of "Dad's Pregnant Too" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.