New student fears going friendless due to boyfriend

Dear Harlan: I'm an incoming freshman and have not started classes yet. I am in a relationship, and I am worried that having a boyfriend means I won't make many guy friends. I'm not looking for another relationship or hook-ups or anything like that - just friendship. At orientation, a guy was really friendly until he found out I had a boyfriend. I feel like having a boyfriend will prevent me from making friends. I'm worried. Thank you for your help! - Seeking Guy Friends

Dear Seeking Guy Friends: A guy who doesn't want to be your friend because you have a boyfriend is either looking to date you or looking to sleep with you (NOT looking to be friends with you). What these guys don't understand is that most freshman in relationships will soon be single. While I'm rooting for you to make it work (and YES, it can work), a lot of other couples will fall to pieces in the coming months. When a couple breaks, it's a good friend or acquaintance who picks up the pieces. Besides the possibility of a future romance, getting to know someone while that person is in a relationship is a great way to see how that person acts in a relationship. It's for all these reasons that guys who like you should get to know you. Given that guys are extremely shy and afraid of attractive women, you might have to be the one to introduce yourself to make new friends. Bottom line: Smart guys who want to get to know you won't be scared off by your relationship.

Dear Harlan: I'm a student at a large state university. I have a lovely girlfriend who lives with three other girls. This one girl is dating my soon-to-be roommate. The problem is, the two girls hate each other. This creates a plethora of problems. How can I get the two girls to get along if they come over at the same time? How should I handle my friend's girlfriend if she is driving my girlfriend insane? My friend's girlfriend is living in a house this year. She decided to save some money and make her single in the house a double. I'm afraid she is going to try to live with the boyfriend in my house for free, while using all my utilities. How do I tell her that I will not accept such a situation? - U of I Guy

Dear U of I Guy: You're the only one creating the drama. I wouldn't worry as much about the girls - I would worry about the boys. Over time, you and your roommate might start to hate each other. The way it will unravel is as follows - being friendly would mean being disloyal to your girlfriends. And that's where it begins to unravel. Talk to your soon-to-be roommate - not his girlfriend. Bring up the issues that concern you (but don't bring up hypothetical situations). Maybe the agreement is that you and your roommate talk to your respective partners and see how each of them suggests managing the dynamics. If you can't talk to your soon-to-be roommate about this openly, expect him to be your soon-to-be ex-roommate. Whatever happens, you and your roommate need to be honest with each other and work to get along. If not, this thing will be doomed. As for the lovely girlfriends, they don't have to like each other - they just need to hate each other quietly and keep you and your roommate out of the middle.

(c) Harlan Cohen 2009. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

Harlan is the author of "Dad's Pregnant Too" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.