Defining 'mom': She answers call of need

How could you spend 10,950 days, 262,800 hours or 15,768,000 minutes " the equivalent of 30 years? Some examples: Fight a war in central Europe; watch one branch form on the giant, fernlike dioon plant; pay off a mortgage; announce football plays as a sports broadcaster...Terry Beitzel has gladly invested her 30 years by being a mother to other people's children " as a foster parent. "It's been a blessing," she says. "We've gotten to be involved in so many lives."

"So many" equates to nearly 150 children from age 22 hours to 17 years old, now living in locations from Florida to New York City to 15 miles down the road. In addition, she and her husband have adopted three of their own over their course of service with Athens County Children Services.

Growing up within their own respective families' fostering experiences, Beitzel and her husband, when first married, jointly decided to try their hand at fostering children. Four years later, after an intensive screening process, everything was ready: bedding, clothing, car seats, highchairs and toys were purchased, and the household was rearranged in order to answer a call for the county's children-in-need. "It is our life's devotion," says Beitzel. "I don't know what I would do if I couldn't share myself with the kids."

Modern-day definitions of "mother" have changed " which is especially apparent in Mother's Day card options. Beyond a biological relationship between woman and child, "mother" can mean any kindly, protective female role model. Though Beitzel describes a mother as "someone who is nurturing, loving and able to share life completely," she shies away from being called "mom" out of respect for the child's birth parent. She leaves the decision of what to be called up to the child (as long as it is appropriate). "Most of the time its 'mama,' 'nana,' or our first names for the older kids," she says.

"My goal," says Beitzel, "is to provide care for the young, making sure they are safe, secure and loved. Each child is different " you just have to feel out their personality and their needs and go from there."

Fostering programs seek to strengthen families while providing a stable, temporary home for the child. But the ultimate goal is for the child to be reunified with his or her family. "We try to give what we feel they need to survive and to go out in life," she says. "It's always hard when they leave; that's never an easy time. But just knowing that you were there at a time that they needed someone " it makes a big difference."

Whether dealing with issues of mental illness or attachment disorder, physical or sexual abuse, fetal alcohol syndrome or drug addictions, Beitzel says she tries to approach the situation with understanding. "It is very important for the child to work with the parent to successfully get them back where they need to be, if the goal is reunification," she says. "I've learned to be adaptable and not judgmental."

"Building relationships with the parents I feel is so important," says Beitzel. Because of this, many children who have passed through the Beitzel home have stayed in contact and asked advice through letters and phone calls and occasional visits.

Beitzel and her husband are currently licensed to take up to three children, with specifications for toddlers and babies. She says, "I'm a big rocker " my babies have never gone to bed without being asleep before they are tucked in."

"Holding these little guys," says Beitzel, smiling, "you get that first little touch of their hand on your cheek, and that smile of trust, and it is just overwhelming."

Balance is key to maintaining a unified family front. She and her husband make sure they have time for dates and one-on-one time with their own children. "Staying on the same page, we usually talk about expectations, our goals," she says.

Her faith, she says, is a necessary source of strength. Agency-approved babysitters and a support group provide respite. "If we need a break," she says, "we take each other's kids, so it is healthy."

Most days are filled with errands, laundry, meals and playing. Her ideal day? "Getting a shower!" she jokes. "Just being able to accomplish everything that I needed to get done for that day... I don't usually get everything done, but I just enjoy spending time with the kids and have enough special time." At the end of the day, when everyone is tucked in, Beitzel says she takes time for one of her favorite things: reading.

Beitzel urges others to consider fostering. "There is a need," she says. "There are many children who need a home."

The couple's own early decision to foster was made with a 30-year agreement. A recent discussion with her husband regarded their future: "My husband said, 'Thirty years is up. What do you think?' And I said, 'I'm going for another 30.'

If you would like more information about fostering or adopting in Athens County, please call (740) 592-3061 or visit www.athenschildrenservices.com.