Athens Glimpses of Home: Taking the next cue: One local woman's life script

Berry Dilley, at age 75, is ready to begin again. 'If I live as long as my mom did,' she says, 'I've got 25 more years to go. And I'd like to do it well. I'd like to have a rich, full life.'

Berry Dilley, at age 75, is ready to begin again.

"If I live as long as my mom did," she says, "I've got 25 more years to go. And I'd like to do it well. I'd like to have a rich, full life."

Taken in context, Dilley's hopes are spurred by the lifting of a 10-year pause: she has been devoted to caring for her loved ones as they approached death - first her sister, then her mother, then her husband.

Approaching the one-year mark after her husband's passing, she says, "I am in transition, in the process of

grieving losses, and discovering who I am now. But I feel like it's a new beginning. I look in the mirror and say, ‘Well, I may look 75, but I don't feel 75.'"  

Many of Dilley's previous roles and talents involve at their root looking inwardly, outwardly, and at the deeper connection with the world. She has run the Athens Center for Mindfulness Practice out of her State Street home since the mid-'90s, armed with certification in Community Dharma Leadership from Spirit Rock Meditation Center in California. She holds a master's degree in dance and a degree in counseling, has taught theater movement at Ohio University, and has been house-host and mentor to numerous international students over the decades.

Now she feels as if she is picking up the pieces of herself and her life. "I woke up one morning and the word that came to me is ORDER. I want to shape my life — not defined by somebody else, not chaos anymore."
Dilley says she is motivated by a lifelong interest in community, which she defines as interactive and participatory — figuring out things together.

"Human beings are affected and (then) affect their community and their culture," says Dilley. "We are both independent individuals and interdependent members of family. The balance changes in response to need and circumstance."

Dilley demonstrated this balance when she was overseeing the care of her sister, Clarissa, who was blind. At the time, Athens did not have much in the way of housing and amenities for those who were disabled. Dilley advocated with then-Mayor Rick Abel for the city to institute the Athens City Commission on Disabilities. The commission is an established governmental agency committed to providing a means for those with disabilities to be heard, to advocate for changes in public policy, and to be ensured quality of life and opportunities for community education and participation.

Recently, Dilley helped pick out six book-holding carts to further ensure the Athens Public Library's handicap accessibility. Two types of carts each - one with a seat, one without - are at the Athens, Plains and Nelsonville public libraries, dedicated in her sister's name.

Due to her trials and experiences in caring for her loved ones, Dilley also emphasizes to the public the importance of advocating for hospice and clearly stating a loved one's known needs. "Be insistent, because it could make all the difference," she advises.

Bodily awareness is one of the aspects of life that she continues to find important, and teaches it during a session of mindful meditation. "Thoughts shape bodily experience, bodily experience shapes emotions, emotions shape the body and thoughts," Dilley notes. "Notice what's going on with your breathing, notice how much energy you use, notice how you tense up when something happens. These habits of movement shape your body, and your body shapes your thinking and feelings."

Dilley believes this needs to be accompanied by a sense of balance and awareness of other's boundaries. "We need to learn a little more about give and take — people don't really respect each other's space. A boundary has to have some mobility, to change as the situation needs to change. But know what your boundary line is, and know when it is crossed."

Dilley believes all of this contributes to being an interactive member of the community. In turn, community members are needed for support. "When you make changes with who you are, you can only grow and change and develop with support around you."

As for her own future, she is uncertain which direction she should take, but she senses it is time, and is undaunted by age. "I am a work in progress, continually learning and growing as I interact with the world, and within myself," she says.

"This is the first time I would say that I am alone," she states. "It is not lonely but being alone. We are all alone - we enter the world alone, and we leave it alone." She continues, "But now it is a truth. I had to recognize that and really experience it to be ready to move on to a different relationship to (my) community."