Reader's Forum: The many rights and privileges of marriage are nothing to sneeze at

Granny told me to keep the top of my wedding cake to eat on my first anniversary. She also told me never to talk to strangers, or friends for that matter, about sex, politics or religion. Usually I fo...

Granny told me to keep the top of my wedding cake to eat on my first anniversary. She also told me never to talk to strangers, or friends for that matter, about sex, politics or religion. Usually I follow her advice, but lately something is on my mind that could involve all three.
My husband and I just celebrated 11 years of couplehood and will have our sixth anniversary in June. This fact amazes me. I get a little self-assured strut going on when I tell people that we've been married almost six years. After all, my brother has been married twice and neither marriage lasted longer than five years. We have friends who only made it to three. I think we're pretty cool for heading to six and still going strong. My parents and in-laws, who have been married 34 and 40 years respectively, think six is nothing to crow about. But still I do.
I love that other people can tell just by looking at my hand that no matter how witty, charming and foxy I may be, I am committed to another, and their wily come-ons will do no good. It comforts me to know that even if I never have children, I will never have to clean the catbox again in my life. I like the feeling of waking up next to someone who genuinely cares if I slept well the night before. Someone who will always love me even when I accidentally make out the Visa bill for $18.14 instead of $814.00. (Thankfully, it was still more than the minimum payment!)
But all these things I could have done without being married. Our families probably wouldn't raise a fuss. I could always hire someone to clean out the catbox. So why did we haul ourselves down to the Franklin County Courthouse back in 1999 and plop down the cash for the marriage? What are the actual benefits of a union blessed not only by one's family but also the local, state and federal governments? And am I taking full advantage of them?
The Web site for Parents, Families and Friends of Gays and Lesbians (PFLAG) had some answers to my burning questions. They have a listing of 59 rights, privileges, and benefits of being married. Most were pretty boring, but I read them anyway. To summarize: Taxes, blah, blah... Division of Property, blah, blah. But what really made me glad that I stood out in 80-degree weather wearing 70 pounds of rayon, silk and beading were the 20 rights and benefits that I would only get to use if Tim died or became hospitalized. Here is my list of the Top Five Benefits of Marriage I Hope To Not Use Until the Year 2050:
1.) Making patient medical decisions. (Good, because in 2050 his parents will probably be gone and I wouldn't want the brother he hardly speaks to deciding if he stays on life support.)
2.) Right to sue for tort and death by wrongful act. (I'm not the litigious kind, but it's comforting to know that if Tim is crushed by a renegade floor waxer at a grocery store or badly stacked boxes at a home improvement store, I could see justice carried out.)
3.) Funeral leave for government employees. (You mean if I'm not married, an employer could tell me I couldn't have bereavement leave even if I'm sitting at my desk wailing like my mom did the day Fox announced the ""X-Files"" was going off the air?)
4.) Rights and proceedings for involuntary hospitalization and treatment. (Again, I'm aghast that had I not gotten that piece of paper signed back in '99, Tim's brother who now lives in Oklahoma and never has much to say to him except ""How do you play the mandolin with those fat fingers?"" would have the power to do this.)
5.) Right to inherit property. (If Tim went unexpectedly and didn't have a will saying who gets what, the boorish brother could be frolicking on our 13 acres and driving Tim's car while I live sad and destitute in my brother's basement? Wow, that $200 for bratwurst and buns at the reception was definitely a good investment!)
After reading the full list, I'm glad Tim and I got married. Even if I have no idea what a ""conveyance tax"" is, it's nice to know I'm exempt from it.

This past fall, a majority of voters in our state said that same-sex couples and unmarried heterosexual couples didn't deserve these same rights and benefits. That even if they've been together for six or even 36 years, they shouldn't be allowed to decide what happens when the light of their life lies unconscious in the hospital. I don't think they knew they said that, but they did.
I don't think that more than 60 percent of the people in Ohio sit around wishing extra suffering on people during their times of grief. I know my sister-in-law doesn't and she voted for the new amendment. I think they just didn't know about all the rights and benefits of marriage.
Heck, I consider myself a pretty informed person, and I just looked up the benefits after being married almost six years. Granted, the courthouse gave me a ""Marriage Welcome Kit"" when we did the paperwork, with a nice pamphlet titled something like ""Now That You're Married,"" but I think I threw that away along with the coupons for Jiffy Lube and Wal-Mart that were also in there.
On Jan. 24, 2005, Senator Wayne Allard, R-Colorado, presented the Marriage Protection Amendment (MPA) to the U.S. Senate. The proposed amendment states that ""Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution, nor the constitution of any State, shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a woman.""
If this were to pass through both houses of Congress and the state ratification process necessary to make it part of the U.S. Constitution, then a document that has been used for centuries to protect individual liberty would explicitly condone discrimination and deny equal protection.
I care about the future of my country too much to sit by and see such extreme actions taken. Our Constitution isn't just a document with a Preamble that gets memorized by seventh graders for social studies classes. It is the fundamental law standing above all other laws in our country. It is permanent. It is large and wide reaching. It is far too serious a document for me, or anyone else, to let it be changed without being fully informed. So, check it out. Read the Constitution online at www.archives.gov/national_archives_experience/charters/constitution.html. Then read the proposed amendment at http://thomas.loc.gov/ (The amendment can be found by clicking on ""enter bill number"" and entering ""S.J. Res. 1"" into the search field).
See if you think the two are a good fit. Because marriage entails a lot more than Granny making me choke down a piece of frostbitten cake top that took up space in my freezer for a year.

Editor's note: Jen Schomburg Kanke w