-
Ask the Advice Goddess
May 29, 2008
I disagree with your advice to “The Hunted,” the woman who said a co-worker was stalking her at work. I agree she should be more direct, but what about “He’s been asking co-workers about me and finding me on breaks” says this guy’s harmless? Sometimes those “little things” turn ugly fast. A woman should heed that warning bell that something’s wrong. Yet, you mocked her, saying, “Come on, a guy at work gives you reason to believe he has a crush on you and the shower music from ‘Psycho’ comes into your head?” Do you really think “Thanks, but no thanks” will deter him? She needs to say it ONCE in front of witnesses. Then it’s Human Resources time. — Wary Woman>>
-
Help Me, Harlan!
May 27, 2008
Dear Harlan: This is regarding the recent letter about the college freshman and his shy girlfriend who likes to get drunk occasionally. She has discovered that alcohol frees her from her prison of shyness and that it allows her to associate more openly with others. It’s called “self-medication.” Like many other forms of self-medication, it may lead to more serious consequences. Perhaps a better solution might be counseling. Perhaps then she could feel more free and open with people every day – not just when she gets drunk. Best of all, since they are both college students, such services might be available through their student health services at no cost. Colleges are recognizing that student drinking is a serious problem and are attuned to help. — Curbing Teen Drinking>>
-
Wise Up!
May 27, 2008
In World War II, Field Marshall Bernard Montgomery ordered the troops in England to take a 5-mile run. Of course, many soldiers figured they wouldn’t actually do the run. They would fall to the rear, then drop out of the run, find a quiet place to rest until the other soldiers came back, then rejoin the soldiers and run into camp. However, Field Marshall Montgomery had thought of that. He ordered everyone to be loaded into trucks, driven five miles into the country away from camp, then dropped off. The only way to get back into camp was on your own two feet.>>
-
Ask the Advice Goddess
May 22, 2008
It’s hard being as conscious as I am, which is why I come to you. I’m a 23-year-old man with high standards and a belief in being honest and frank, which some mistake for cruelty. My knowledge of self and understanding of others makes it hard for me to find a girlfriend. I’ve never initiated dates except for nerdy “going for coffee but she doesn’t know it’s a date” dates. I just can’t shake the feeling that women I’m attracted to have men coming on to them constantly. I don’t want to add to their burden, so I find myself waiting for women to come on to me. This seldom happens, so I end up settling for women who pursue me, which is where my honesty perceived as cruelty comes in. Recently, I became attracted to a co-worker. I told her of my attraction, and asked her to lunch. She agreed to go, but said, “I want you to know it’s just as friends. I have to cover my bases.” This was unsettling, but I still took her. She’s seemed on guard ever since – proving to me that I was a burden. – Insightfully Alone>>
-
Help Me, Harlan!
May 19, 2008
Dear Harlan: About a year ago, I met a wonderful man who swept me off my feet. We split up when I hit a rough patch, but now we are back together. However, during our split he moved to Seattle. We both agreed that the only way to truly re-establish our relationship would be if I went to Seattle. I decided to move there for a few months over the summer. I am a college student (age 21), and I am still financially dependent on my parents. Because I needed a blessing from my parents to go to Seattle, I lied and told them that we are no longer dating. I have not lied outright to my parents for some time. I feel very guilty about it. It is now time for them to know about us being together, especially since I have the very strong hunch he is going to propose or suggest that we elope. I want everyone, including my parents, to know that we are together and in love. I"m so worried about this that I have been losing sleep. How can I tell my parents about this lie without losing the close relationship I have with them? - Laura>>
-
Wise Up!
May 19, 2008
In early 2008, truck drivers protested $4-per-gallon diesel fuel costs by slowing down or blocking freeway traffic. For example, on the New Jersey Turnpike, trucks crawled along at 20 miles per hour. Near Chicago, they drove with three trucks side by side by side to block traffic, and then they slowed down - way down. Similar slow-downs occurred elsewhere in the United States. Many of these activists are owner-operators who can"t make a profit when diesel fuel costs $4 per gallon. Some of them can"t make the payments on their trucks, which are foreclosed by the banks.>>
-
Ask the Advice Goddess
May 15, 2008
My boyfriend of 10 years proposed on Christmas Eve. Excited, I said yes! The truth is, financially and emotionally, he"s not at my level. He lives with his mother and hasn"t had a job the ENTIRE 10 years we"ve been together. He looks at least 10 years older than he is, and I suspected him of having a drug problem, and cheating on me, too. To cut to the point, I simply do not want him. I make $50K a year, own my home, am attractive, in shape, etc. I"m in my late 30s and smart enough to know that the problem isn"t him, it"s me. So, what allowed me to stay so long and waste so much time trying to change him? Why did I work so hard to persuade others he was a great guy when, in my heart of hearts, I knew he was garbage? - Frankenstein"s Fiancee>>
-
Help Me, Harlan!
May 12, 2008
Dear Harlan: I"m a 19-year-old, Latina college student who can"t tell whether or not I am spoiled beyond functioning on my own, or if I am living under the tyranny of my immigrant parents. I"ll admit that I live pretty comfortably. My father is a doctor and I get some pretty sweet stuff, but I do not always get what I want, when I want. I"m in a major (nursing) chosen primarily so that I can inherit what my father built (not because it is my passion). I have always been a rather liberal free spirit who misses out, all because mommy and daddy said NO. I had a taste of freedom when I moved into the residence hall of a private university. I experienced more in those three semesters than I could have ever dreamed of. Of course, it took a toll on my grades, so I made the decision to transfer to my local community college to salvage my GPA. Living at home was, of course, not living. My parents" view - more my mother"s view because my father and I have no real relationship other than biological - is that I messed up once, and I am incapable of learning from my mistakes. Therefore, I can"t take a step without a full report, a week in advance. What can I do to persuade my parents to trust me? I refuse to have to ask permission to do anything! - Trapped>>
-
Wise Up!
May 12, 2008
When Savion Glover was a child, his mother, Yvette, a single parent with three children, used to ride a bus. The other passengers on the bus knew and liked her, and whenever she was late getting to the bus stop because of the time it took to get her children off to school, the other passengers would make the bus driver wait for her. Yvette took good care of her children. Savion became a renowned tap dancer at an early age, performing in the United States and in Europe. While visiting Monaco"s Monte Carlo, Yvette and Savion came across a nude beach. She quickly took her son to a different location. While the young Savion was performing in 'Black and Blue,' he hung out backstage with the older, long-established tap dancers. Their language was salty, but Yvette knew that Savion would learn much worth knowing by hanging out with his heroes (and getting some male authority figures in his life), so she didn"t try to censor the language used backstage. Instead, she read her Bible, staying close enough to keep an eye on Savion but far enough away that she didn"t hear the salty language.>>
-
Ask the Advice Goddess
May 8, 2008
My boyfriend of a year has his own home, as do I. He needs a roommate to help pay bills, and only a woman has responded. She"ll have her own bedroom, but they"ll share a bathroom. He advertised in the campus housing office, so she must be young, or younger than I am (my boyfriend and I are both in our mid 30s). I have an issue with him having a female roommate. What if we have a fight and he doesn"t answer the phone? What if he drinks beers and watches movies with her? I trust him but believe in avoiding tempting situations. He insists he"ll be at my place all the time anyway (which I"ve told him isn"t fair to me), and says I"m just insecure. I said I"m willing to meet her and see how I feel, but he won"t wait to see if others respond (he did once before and ended up stuck). - The Girlfriend>>
-
Help Me, Harlan!
May 5, 2008
Dear Harlan: I am a graduate student, married with two children. My husband never knew his father, so our children only know one grandfather (my father). My husband visited other members of his father"s side of family when he was younger, but he has not kept in touch with them for years. We will be traveling to a wedding in the town where we know the family members reside. The problem is, my mother-in-law is very elusive about the details of their relationship, so I am a little hesitant about approaching her about more information about his father. Is this something I should pursue, for the sake of the grandchildren he has never seen, or should I just let it go? My husband does not care either way. - Curious>>
-
Wise Up!
May 5, 2008
On April 26, 2008, Western Oregon faced Central Washington in a softball game. Up to bat for Western Oregon was Sara Tucholsky, who played in the outfield occasionally and who had only three hits in 34 at-bats that season. In the 0-0 game she hit a home run with two players on base. Excited - make that really excited - Sara missed first base and turned back to tag the base. That"s when her knee gave out, and she crumpled to the ground in pain. Of course, Western Oregon coach Pam Knox wanted Sara to get the home run: 'It"s her only home run in four years. I didn"t want to take that from her, but at the same time, I was worried about her.' Obviously, the Western Oregon players couldn"t pick Sara up and carry her around the bases.>>
-
Ask the Advice Goddess
May 1, 2008
This co-worker guy, who I hardly know, has been stalking me at work. I don"t want to cause trouble for him, but... he"s creepy. He"s been asking co-workers about me and finding me on my breaks. Today, as I was leaving for lunch, he said, 'I haven"t stopped thinking about you.' The hairs on my neck stood up. The shower music from 'Psycho' came into my head! I (like an idiot) said, 'Shoot me an e-mail.' (I don"t have the guts to tell him, 'Screw off, you ugly, creepy, uh, expletive.') Of course, he e-mails me - inviting me to lunch or dinner, saying he wants to get to know me better. Since I love your 'tact,' I"d love to respond using your words. Something that says: 1. You"re creepy. 2. You obviously live with your mother. 3. Never in your lifetime. - The Hunted>>
-
Help Me, Harlan!
April 28, 2008
Hi Harlan: My boyfriend of three years broke up with me (we were living together) to supposedly be with someone else. So, I"m dealing with heartache, and I started to hang out with a friend who is unhappy with his situation. He is married and in the process of divorcing, but has not moved out of the home that he shares with his wife. In the meantime, I recently found out I have been accepted to medical school, and will be moving out of state. Now, my boyfriend of three years wants me back and says he made a mistake leaving me. Both guys are pursuing me, and I am confused. I don"t want rebound relationships with either one, but my heart still longs to be with my original boyfriend, who sounds like he has come to his senses. However, I am not eager to go back too easily. - Broken in Atlanta>>
-
Wise Up!
April 28, 2008
When Choo Chiat Goh, the father of Chan Hon Goh, was a young dancer in London, he had a chance to dance for Anton Dolin"s company, but he turned it down because he wished to study dance in China under Pyotr Gusiev. Later, Mr. Goh opened a dance studio in Vancouver, Canada, where his daughter took classes from him.>>
-
Ask the Advice Goddess
April 24, 2008
My wife and I have been married 10 years and have two young children. Two years ago, we agreed to separate, and I left for Iraq. Two weeks later, she moved a boyfriend into our place. The following year, she ended it with him, and we decided to try to work things out. I bought a house and moved her and our kids in. Two months later, she went back to the boyfriend. A year later, she left him, and we agreed to try again. I moved our family back into the house and gave her power of attorney and my bank account password to prove I was committed. A month later, I had to leave for Iraq again, and am still here. Within a month, she had some guy sleeping over nightly. She claims they"re just friends; he"s there because she doesn"t feel safe, and they aren"t having sex. She even told our son the guy"s doing her a favor and has a bad back, so it"s only fair that he sleeps in the bed with her, not on the couch. I"m 99 percent sure our marriage is done, I just wanted your opinion. - Troubled, From Iraq>>
-
Wise Up!
April 21, 2008
The mother of comedian Liz Feldman knew that Liz was a lesbian even before Liz figured it out. At age 16, Liz went away from home to a summer drama program at which a girl seduced her. Liz knew then that she liked girls, but at the time she thought she also liked boys. The following summer she went to another drama program, and her mother walked into Liz"s room and saw two girls sleeping together in bed. Ironically, the girls weren"t gay; they were just tired.>>
-
Help Me, Harlan!
April 21, 2008
Hi Harlan: I"m 15, and I love music. I write a lot of songs, but I don"t play any instruments. I sing, and then upload my music on MySpace.com. A few of my friends have heard it and said my music sounds good. Well, I want to record it - I want everyone to hear my music. My family is not very encouraging about this, so hiring an agent is out of question. What are a few simple steps you would suggest? Thanks a million. - Jess>>
-
Ask the Advice Goddess
April 17, 2008
I"m 29, as is the woman I"ve been seeing for three months. After she kept pulling away when I tried to kiss her, she confessed that kissing is very, very intimate to her. She"ll actually sleep with someone before kissing them. In fact, we"ve been having sex for a while - without kissing. She had girlfriends in college, and said she found it easier kissing girls. She claims she doesn"t want a girlfriend - she prefers guys - she just needs me to be patient, as she"s 'scared to death' of kissing, and 'can"t do it right now.' I really like her, but I found out her last relationship lasted two years, and they never kissed. I don"t think I can wait that long. - Smacked Down>>
-
Wise Up!
April 14, 2008
British fantasy author Terry Pratchett started out as a journalist, but realized quickly that he wanted to move on from that occupation, although it is good training for writers. He says, 'I was sick of asking: "How did you feel, Mrs. Smith, when your son was knifed to death by muggers?"' He points out, 'What is she going to say? "Oh, I never liked him much?"' One day when he was a trainee reporter he wrote an article about a collision between a car and a minibus. Six children had been killed, and he was thinking, 'This is a great story. It"s going on page one.' However, another trainee reporter came to work late because he had been consoling his mother after their sister had not returned home. Mr. Pratchett looked at his notebook, and he saw the name of the sister - she was one of the six children who had died in the collision. He says, 'I ringed the name and handed my notebook to the news editor and went to the toilet. I went into a cubicle and locked the door. And then I laughed - I laughed, but I wanted to scream. There was a lot of that sort of thing, and ultimately I didn"t want to do it.'>>
- See more stories See previous stories
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
