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Help Me, Harlan!
March 31, 2008
Dear Harlan: I am a 59-year-old schoolteacher. I have always believed myself to be non-ageist. I have friends among generations both older and younger than I. In recent years, however, I have begun to feel ignored by the current crop of 20-somethings. Both on the job and in public, this group seems to look right through me - ignore me, not be interested in hearing from me. I try hard to connect with them in nonthreatening, nonjudgmental ways. On the job, especially, I feel they are my equals and endeavor to treat them as such, just as I have done with past groups of new employees. Still, they don"t maintain eye contact with me and often give me one-word answers when I attempt to converse with them. I don"t want to become an elder who is embittered, cynical and critical of younger people, yet I am saddened and often hurt by the way people currently in their 20s dismiss me. What do you advise? - Invisible Lady>>
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Wise Up!
March 31, 2008
When Gary Paulsen wrote his novel 'Hatchet,' which is about a young boy who finds himself alone in the wilderness with only a hatchet when the person piloting the small plane he is in dies of a heart attack, he wanted the novel to be as realistic as possible. Therefore, whatever the hero Brian experiences in the novel, Mr. Paulsen also set out to experience in real life. In doing this, he was remarkably successful, even creating fire using a hatchet and a stone. However, he experienced a setback when he attempted to eat turtle eggs. The eggs so nauseated him that he vomited, despite three valiant attempts to eat them. Fortunately, his lead sled dog, Cookie, enjoyed eating the eggs - and his vomit. Despite his lack of success in eating the turtle eggs, Mr. Paulsen decided to leave the egg-eating scene in his novel - he figured that Brian would be so hungry that he would be able to eat the eggs and not vomit.>>
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Ask The Advice Goddess
March 27, 2008
My wife of a year is from a very conservative culture (a Muslim country). She said she"d only dated three guys, and only kissed and held hands.>>
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Wise Up!
March 24, 2008
Even during very bad times, very good things can happen. When Budapest, Hungary, was under siege near the end of World War II, 15-year-old Christine Arnothy, her parents, and a few other families lived in the cellar of a building that was occasionally bombed. These families took in a young man and a young woman who were the only survivors in their group. A Hungarian soldier named Pista helped take care of the families by finding food for them; he also did other good deeds for the families, such as finding a priest to say Mass. In addition to saying Mass for them, the priest heard their confessions and gave them advice.>>
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Help Me, Harlan!
March 24, 2008
Dear Harlan: I"m an 18-year-old boy - yes, boy. My grades are slipping from my normal B average to two D"s, two F"s, one A, one B, and one C. I know I will be able to pull these up to graduate; HOWEVER, I don"t think my college has accepted me. This devastates me. I live in a small, close-minded town in Idaho, and I want out. I fell in love with Seattle and applied to a college there. My audition went well, but I"m not sure how impressed they were with any other part of my application. I feel like the pressure is on me. It"s almost like there is no point in going on. How do I tell my parents that even if I don"t get accepted, I still want to go to Seattle and live there? I have no time for anything else, because I work after school. I just feel like it is all too much for me. I love my parents, but they can be overbearing at times. I just need help. - R in Idaho>>
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Ask the Advice Goddess
March 20, 2008
In high school and college, I was really overweight. I started losing weight and found a great guy online. During the year we talked, I went from size 18 to size 12, losing 80 pounds. When we met, I was a little overweight, but in my best shape ever, and we were really attracted to each other. We"re now married, but stressed, as I"m the only one working until he completes the immigration process (he"s South African). In seven months, I"ve gained 50 pounds. My problem is that he"s insanely direct. If something"s on his mind, he"ll say it. He"s now having a hard time being attracted to me. I do understand, and have committed to losing weight, and plan to have surgery next year to remove the extra skin. I"m excited because I know he"ll be all over me, but I"m also scared I"ll be resentful. - Shrinking>>
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Wise Up!
March 17, 2008
As a child, Donna Lopiano wanted to play Little League baseball. However, when she showed up at the beginning of the season, someone else"s father showed her a rulebook, which stated that girls could not play in the Little League. She attended all the games, convinced that she was a better player than any kid on the field, and she kept playing sandlot baseball. She also bugged her parents about finding a team that she could play on.>>
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Help Me, Harlan!
March 17, 2008
Dear Harlan: I am in my second semester of Greek life. Last semester, a big brother was picked for me at random. While everyone else seems to have great relationships with their big, mine is apathetic. We have nothing in common; he is a legacy and does nothing more within the fraternity than play video games in his room. Not only this, but he takes no interest in me - I have tried to hang out with him and get to know him better, but he is always too engrossed in his game. I don"t play video games. I wish we had a better relationship, like those of my other brothers. What should I do? - Big Brotherless>>
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Ask the Advice Goddess
March 13, 2008
Two years ago, my husband had an affair. He apologized profusely, but since he ended it, he"s been on his worst behavior. He quit his job, saying that working for someone is beneath him. Fine, but he went back to school, then quit mid-semester to go on a solo camping trip, leaving me to shoulder our financial obligations. He"s forgotten our anniversary these past two years, and while I"ve never missed one of his music gigs, he skipped my first photography show, saying, 'You know I"m not into that. I"m staying home.' He"s now on a weeklong road trip to a friend"s... down the road from his affair partner... and I"m supposed to 'learn to deal with things one can"t control.' I"ve given him numerous chances to prove he cares beyond showing up to watch TV at night. Am I just not communicating right? I love him and want to keep him in my life. - Frustrated Wife>>
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Wise Up!
March 10, 2008
Reading an ancient manuscript can be difficult. 'The Archimedes Codex' contains a copy of the work of this ancient scientist. The handwritten copy was made in the 10th century, more than 1,000 years after the time of Archimedes. A couple of hundred years after the copy was made, a scribe named John Myronas took the pages apart, erased the text, then wrote new text - that of a prayer book - over the erased text of Archimedes. Using modern technology, the text of Archimedes can be read. The modern technology allows both sets of text - Archimedes" work and the prayer book - to appear on a computer screen. The words of the prayer book appear in one color, and the ancient Greek words of Archimedes appear in another color. Translation of the text is fascinating to scholars, who have discovered that Archimedes used the mathematical concept of infinity centuries before the concept became widely used in mathematics in the 17th century.>>
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Help Me, Harlan!
March 10, 2008
Dear Harlan: My boyfriend and I have been together for going on six years, and we have a 2-year-old together. Lately, he has been shutting me out completely, and I get the feeling he does not want to be with me anymore. When the subject comes up for both of us to move on elsewhere, he acts as if he doesn"t care, but when it comes down to it, he doesn"t want me to go. I want to know that he does still care and that he does love me. How do I get that out of him if he is not willing to tell me? - Not Hearing Me>>
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Ask the Advice Goddess
March 6, 2008
I wrote you two months ago about a male co-worker who was flirting but never asking me out. You said to flirt with him, but date others. He"s still flirting, and watches me like a hawk, but that"s it. Yesterday, he overheard me talking about some date I had. Apparently, his face went beet red and he got all 'weird.' He didn"t even come say goodbye before leaving, as he always does. I really like this guy - he"s such a sweetheart - but I"m getting frustrated. Should I turn on more charm? Or even just ask him out? - Still Interested>>
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Wise Up!
March 3, 2008
Poet Ezra Pound suffered from mental illness late in his life, and he began to sympathize with fascists. During World War II, he lived in Italy and spoke out in favor of Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini. When Italy fell to the Allies, Mr. Pound was arrested and put on trial for treason. Mr. Pound"s attorney came to E.E. Cummings, a poet and friend of Mr. Pound"s (and definitely not a fascist sympathizer), to ask for help. Mr. Pound"s money was under the control of the U.S. government, and his wife"s money could not be taken out of England due to wartime restrictions. Mr. Cummings had $1,000 that he had earned from selling a painting, and he gave the money to Mr. Pound"s attorney, saying that he (Mr. Cummings) didn"t need the money. Actually, Mr. Cummings did need the money. His wife had big medical bills due to rheumatoid arthritis, and Mr. Cummings rarely earned money from his painting. Mr. Pound was found to be too mentally unstable to be tried, and he was committed to a mental hospital, from which he was eventually released.>>
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Help Me, Harlan!
March 3, 2008
Dear Harlan: There is a guy I have known for about five years. He"s liked me off and on, and we had a thing at one point. I broke it off, and we"ve proceeded to be good friends. The problem - he has really low self-confidence and is always looking to me to boost it. At least once a month, he tells me that he has no friends (which isn"t true) and that nobody cares for him. I"ve tried telling him that not everyone our age (18) is in a relationship, but I can"t get the point across. He gets mad at me regularly for not hanging out with him as much as he thinks I should, and insists that I end my conversations with 'love you' even though I"ve told him that I don"t end conversations that way with friends. I"m not worried about violence, but I want him to be happy. I want him to stop unloading all of his issues on me. I"m losing my patience. - Running Out of Patience>>
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Ask The Advice Goddess
February 28, 2008
I"m 33, never married. In 2000, I happened to call my old boyfriend, 'Tim,' when he"d just become a dad and was a week away from getting married. He seemed happy I called, but I could tell his wife-to-be was right there, so I was brief and apologized for the timing.>>
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Wise Up!
February 25, 2008
Children"s book author Barbara Park - creator of Junie B. Jones - got a college degree in teaching, but after some bad experiences in the classroom, she discovered very quickly that she did not want to teach. For example, when Barbara did her student teaching at a rural junior high school, the experienced teacher she was supposed to be assisting simply handed her a geography textbook and told her, 'There you go - teach.'>>
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Help Me, Harlan!
February 25, 2008
Dear Harlan: I am close to breaking. My family is pretty close, but my parents try to make us even closer. Trying to pull me in closer is driving me further away. They are extremely controlling people. I know that they have the best intentions, but I"m being smothered. They have to check all my texts, don"t like me going out and are judgmental of my friends (and my friends don"t drink, do drugs or do anything illegal). I feel so isolated and alone. I stay home every single Friday night. If, on the rare occasion, I do go somewhere, they give me an earful when I get home about how evil my friends are. I usually cry myself to sleep because I feel so caged. I have tried talking to my parents, but they just lecture me again - it"s not worth it. I get so depressed because I want to be able to have fun with friends, but instead I have to stay home. My parents even charter school me because they don"t want me to be at school. I turn 18 in two years, but I don"t know if I will last that long. My parents insist they will be able to control me even then. - Caged>>
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Ask the Advice Goddess
February 21, 2008
After a breakup, people say you have to wait one month for every year of the broken relationship (in my case, 11 months) before you"re ready to date. Are they making this up?>>
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Wise Up!
February 18, 2008
This is Wise Up! column #600!>>
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Help Me, Harlan!
February 18, 2008
Dear Harlan: I have become good friends with an older man. He"s 48, and I"m 26. We do not work in the same office, but I often have to work with him on projects. Although NOTHING inappropriate has EVER happened between us, people are beginning to spread rumors that he and I are having an affair. He is happily married, and I am in a committed relationship. I never had much of a father-figure growing up, and I look to him as a mentor, nothing more. We are never alone in the same room together, and the only time I have contact with him is when we are working together. While we are working, we do talk about our personal lives and other issues. He has given me a lot of good advice, and maybe we should"ve kept the conversation strictly work-related, but how can you work closely with someone for six years and not get to know him a little? He has daughters who are close to my age, and he has told me he sees me as one of his daughters. I value his friendship and don"t want these ugly rumors to ruin things between us, but I don"t know how to handle this situation. So far, he and I have ignored the rumors, but I fear they will continue to get worse until I am forced to no longer work with him in order to save both our reputations. Please help! - Defamed in Pennsylvania>>
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