Help Me, Harlan!
College rejection can be the first step in finding acceptance
By Harlan Cohen
March 24, 2008
Dear Harlan: I’m an 18-year-old boy – yes, boy. My grades are slipping from my normal B average to two D’s, two F’s, one A, one B, and one C. I know I will be able to pull these up to graduate; HOWEVER, I don’t think my college has accepted me. This devastates me. I live in a small, close-minded town in Idaho, and I want out. I fell in love with Seattle and applied to a college there. My audition went well, but I’m not sure how impressed they were with any other part of my application. I feel like the pressure is on me. It’s almost like there is no point in going on. How do I tell my parents that even if I don’t get accepted, I still want to go to Seattle and live there? I have no time for anything else, because I work after school. I just feel like it is all too much for me. I love my parents, but they can be overbearing at times. I just need help. — R in Idaho
Dear R in Idaho: Honestly? A boy isn’t ready to move to Seattle. A boy with slipping grades needs to figure out the reason for the slippage. It could be pressure, stress, depression or some other reason. Talk to your teachers and parents, and start with this. As for your dream college, you might still get in. If you don’t, contact the people who reviewed and rejected your application, and write a glowing thank-you letter. Thank them for reviewing your application, and then call to find out what you can do over the course of the next year to be a better candidate. Rejection isn’t the end – it’s the beginning to getting where you want to go. Use it as an opportunity to build a relationship and prove that you’re much more than just grades. In the short term, consider going to a local community college and get some prerequisites out of the way. Focus your time and energy leaning on teachers, counselors and other adults who can help you begin to see yourself as a man who lives in a world filled with endless options. Do this, and soon you’ll be ready to take on the world – not just Seattle.
Dear Harlan: My identical twin sister and I are going off to the same college next year. Although we are very close, we have always strived to be individuals. One of the things I look forward to about college is finally becoming my own person and breaking away from the stereotype of being the same person as my twin. Not knowing any twins at a small college, I was wondering if you had any advice on maintaining the relationship with my sister while establishing myself as my own person and meeting new people at college. — Identical Sister
Dear Identical Sister: If I had a clone and I really wanted to create my own identity, I wouldn’t go to a small college with my clone. No matter what you do, you’ll always be “Blah Blah’s twin sister.” If attending a different college down the street isn’t an option, live on opposite sides of campus, change your hair color, put on glasses, gain 10 pounds and avoid wearing the same outfits on the same days. Separate yourself physically and geographically, and trust that people will see you as an individual who happens to have a twin. (c) Harlan Cohen 2008. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.
Harlan is the author of “The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College” (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at Harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.
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