Friend can’t shake addiction to protein shakes, excessive exercise
By Harlan Cohen
June 9, 2008
Dear Harlan: One of my best guy friends (my boyfriend’s best friend) has recently become addicted to exercising and eating only protein food. He plays three sports, and then he goes home from his games and exercises some more. He eats little and usually just drinks a protein shake or eats a protein bar. We talk about almost everything, but he believes that what he is doing is healthy. I believed him at first, but not so much anymore. He has had trouble with girls lately, but has recently become a lot more determined in school, which is good for him. But I don’t think he is healthy, and I don’t know how to go about making him realize that what he’s doing isn’t healthy. — Rebecca
Dear Rebecca: Unless you’re a nutritionist, doctor or licensed health professional, it’s hard for him to trust your definition of unhealthy. I’m not saying you need to be a doctor to see that exercising excessively while consuming jugs of protein shakes while on a treadmill is probably not healthy. What I’m saying is that he needs more than you and your boyfriend to help him see the problem. He needs his parents involved. He needs his coaches involved. He needs health professionals involved. If he hasn’t talked to a doctor yet, urge him to. Talk to his parents (assuming he lives at home) or have your boyfriend talk to them. This can’t just be your thing. It has to be everyone who is concerned about him’s thing. If he denies the problem, mention the rule of threes. If three friends tell him the same thing — it’s probably true and worth investigating. If there isn’t a problem, he shouldn’t have a problem having a health professional tell him that.
Dear Harlan: My friend is very dear to me, but there is just one problem – I’m the one who wants more out of our friendship. I have told him how I feel before, and his response was something along the lines of, “I don’t want to ruin the great friendship that we already have.” Maybe that’s a lie? I don’t know. I understand what he is saying, and can relate to it, but it can be quite frustrating when we are the best of friends and spend so much time together. Here comes the good part — we are attending the same college in the fall. Of course I will remain good friends with him, but my question is, what do I do? Wait? Tell him how I feel again? — Deb
Dear Deb: I’m all for a friend wanting to be “more,” but there’s a time and a place to be more. Your first year in college is neither the time nor the place. The problem is that if the timing isn’t right, you can lose that friend. And this is a friend you need during this transition. Enjoy the friendship and give him time and space to figure out what he wants. It might take him the next five years and five girlfriends to realize that you’re what he wants (or not what he wants). All you can do is give your friend permission to not want to date you. Once you give him permission, you are free to make more friends. The more friends you make, the better chance one of these friends will have similar feelings for you. And that’s probably when your dear friend will realize you’re the one for him. How ‘bout that for timing? (c) Harlan Cohen 2008. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.
Harlan is the author of “The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College” (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan at helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.
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