Help Me, Harlan!
Roommate having second thoughts about sharing space with Mormon
By Harlan Cohen
July 21, 2008
Hey Harlan: I’ve been in contact with my future roommate several times on the phone and on Facebook. She seems like a great person. The problem is, she’s Mormon. I’m not someone to discriminate, but I am afraid having her as a roommate will create some pretty big problems. The more I research her religion (and she’s very devout), the more I keep questioning how good of a match we are. To be honest, while I am smart and put effort into my classes and studies, I like to go out, play sports and go to parties. I’m noticing that this could pose several uncomfortable situations for both my roommate and myself. Also, I don’t want to miss out on going out with my roommate, something I’m told is a “not to miss” freshman experience. I’ve been encouraged by my college graduate cousins, family members and friends to ask for a change of roommate or room. I think they know me well enough to know what’s best. What do you think I should do? — Living With a Mormon
Dear Living With a Mormon: Careful, you might end up with an orthodox Jewish person who observes the Sabbath or a devout Catholic who chooses the Bible over beer. Even someone who fits your criteria of “a perfect roommate” could end up being “a roommate from hell.” The perfect roommate isn’t whom you imagine — a perfect roommate is someone who can share your space and respect you and your stuff. Assume she’s tolerant, kind, loving, non-judgmental and willing to be your designated driver when necessary. My advice — instead of asking to change roommates, change the way you think about your roommate.
Dear Harlan: I am 17 years old, and my boyfriend and I have been going out for three years. Last week, we got into a huge fight because he wanted to have sex, but I didn’t want to do that with him. I got angry, and he didn’t talk to me for two days. That weekend, I went to a party thrown by his best friend — my ex-boyfriend. When I got there, my boyfriend was kissing my best friend. I got so mad I just went down to the beach and cried. My ex came down to the beach and asked me what was wrong. I felt so safe, like nothing could ever hurt me. It started to get cold, so we went into his room to talk — and I ended up sleeping with him. I never told my boyfriend, because the next day he told me that kissing the other girl was stupid and childish. Now, I feel so slutty and dirty. I have taken about 30 showers, and my skin is almost raw. Help me fix this. — Dirty
Dear Dirty: You have the world’s worst best friends. He kisses your best friend. You sleep with his best friend. This never happened on the TV show “Friends.” One — or 30 — showers isn’t going to wash away the guilt. To me, this whole incident says, “I need new friends. I need to feel better about myself. I need some help.” Figure out why you did this and how you’ll avoid doing it again. If you can’t find the answer, try reaching out for some professional guidance. That said, don’t beat yourself up too badly. People make mistakes. The secret is learning so that you don’t make the same one twice. P.S. Get tested for sexually-transmitted infections during your next gynecological exam. (c) Harlan Cohen 2008. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.
Harlan is the author of “The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College” (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.
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