Help Me, Harlan!
Remember that when you kiss and tell, others are listening
By Harlan Cohen
April 7, 2008
Dear Harlan: Do you ever feel like people are listening to your conversations while in public? Well, the reason I ask this is because today I was walking with my friend and I was telling her about this guy who I like and how he kissed me this past weekend. This guy knows a lot of people on campus, and I am just paranoid that someone he knows overheard the conversation. I know this probably doesn’t make sense to you, but I’m afraid that someone is going to tell him what I was talking about. And then the guy I like will not want to hang out with me anymore. — People Are Listening
Dear People Are listening: Yes! I have the feeling because people are always listening. I know I am. If someone speaks in public about private issues, I’m tuned in and taking notes. I’ll listen at coffee shops, in elevators, at restaurants and on airplanes. It can be people walking, talking or eating together, or people on the phone. Sometimes I’ll get tired of listening if a conversation doesn’t hold my attention. No offense, but I have a strong feeling your conversation wouldn’t hold many people’s attention; it’s not that interesting. It might be a big deal to you, but it’s not to most people. And even if someone overheard this kissing story, it’s not like you’re talking about an unplanned pregnancy (much juicier). You’re excited about a guy, and if he has a problem with that he shouldn’t have been kissing you. Don’t worry – but expect that people are listening. I am.
Dear Harlan: I am in a relationship with a great woman, whom I love dearly. My concern is that I might not be “in love” with her. I want to be with her, yet at the same time I am torn. We have little fights and arguments, but nothing totally out of the ordinary. She is a freshman in a college that is 350 miles away from me, so it’s difficult to see her face to face. This also plays a slight role.
We have come to the conclusion that we need to take a break, but it hurts her to even think of losing me. I don’t want to lose her, yet I don’t know if we can work together. — Torn Apart
Dear Torn Apart: Your letter is a testament to all women (and men) that the idea of “it’s not you, it’s me” is true. A breakup can have nothing to do with the other person being desirable or attractive. In your situation, it’s YOU figuring out what you want and what you need. It can be a painful process, but in the end, if you go through it, you’ll figure it out. Doing the right and most sensitive thing can mean doing the hard and painful thing in the short term. If you should end up losing her, trust that you will find someone else. And the next time around, you’ll have a much better sense of what it feels like to be loved and what it feels like to be in love. It can take having a few relationships to know what feels right and what feels wrong. When it does feel right, it will be something you’ll want to hold on to forever. Bottom line – you’re doing the right thing. (c) Harlan Cohen 2008. Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.
Harlan is the author of “The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College” (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.
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